Brothers

I did not cry when Judah was born. 

I only teared up once when Ezra was born.

He was still in the doctor’s gloved hands. My first thought, “He’s here and he’s perfect.” 

My joy-filled second thought, “And he will never be alone.” Cue tears. 

In the time it took to blink the tears away, I saw two blonde haired boys stomping through the woods, brandishing sticks, building forts. I saw heads tucked under blankets, whispering secrets and silly jokes. I heard giggles and games, I saw mischief and messes.

I saw two little boys who had one another for life. They would not be alone. 

I grew up the oldest of three girls. A brother came along when I was in high school. When I was little, my parents would say {to our great skepticism}, “Girls, you will be best friends one day.” And we would look at the “stolen” clothes, broken diary locks, owner-contested Barbies and think, “Yeah, right.”

The truth was, we were best friends then. We just didn’t know what best friends looked like. Best friends aren’t for seasons, they are for life. Best friends don’t come and go with boys, schools, graduation, jobs. They are there through fun and fights, highest joys and deepest griefs. They are the ones you go to again and again, knowing you’re always accepted, always loved.

Because I know this kinship and friendship first-hand, my greatest hope is that the same holds true for my children. 

Mothering these two little boys over the last three months has taught me a great deal about siblinghood {yes, I made up that word} or the state of being a sibling. The qualities and habits I observe in these tiny boys are teaching me to be a better “sister” to my fellow brothers and sisters. Not just the ones who grew up in my house, but all the ones who are loved by our heavenly Father. 

Siblings learn from one another.

They observe the superior skill demonstrated by one and then strive to imitate. I am sure that Ezra is trying to figure out how Judah moves so quickly around the room - not so that he can do it better or faster, but so that he can do it with him. We would do well to learn to sing, paint, preach, write, run, cook, fix cars, build Lincoln Log houses from one another - not so that we will out-do one another, but that we may do it together. 

Siblings protect one another.

Judah hate hate hates getting his toenails trimmed. I’m talking kicking, screaming, sweating, crying hates it. {For the record, I have never, not one time cut him or trimmed too deeply. This fear is largely unfounded.} When I cut Ezra’s toenails, Judah protests loudly, in tears, “No Mommy, no cut toenails. All done. No cut. All done.” He understands the “Golden Rule”. He doesn’t want it done to him, so he is not going to let it be done to someone else. When we see someone being treated in a way that we wouldn’t want to be treated, we need to step in and do everything we can to prevent the harm being done.

Siblings help one another. 

Judah loves to “help” right now. “I help Mommy” / “I help, Mommy.” But his favorite is, “I help Baby.” He gives Ezra a pacifier or a toy, wipes spit-up or drool, covers him up in the carseat, tries to lift his carseat. All end with, “Mommy, I help Baby!” He loves it and he looks for opportunities to help. {OK, Ezra may not want his help one day, but for now he loves he attention.} When we see a need and it is in our power to help, we need to graciously give it. When we are in need of help, we need to ask for it and gratefully accept it. 

Siblings advocate for one another.

“Mommy, baby crying.” My hands are covered in chicken yuck {you know, the raw chicken juices} and I am making my way to the sink to wash it off. “MOMMY. Baby CRYING.” In other words, “Don’t you hear him - he needs you. I can’t help him because I can’t pick him up {thank goodness} and I can’t reach his pacifier. You can. You need to do something.” Sometimes we hear the cry of people around us and we truly don’t have the power to change their situation, but perhaps we can be the voice to advocate on their behalf to the ones who can.

Siblings play with each other.

Right now for us, this looks like singing “The Wheels on the Bus” or “Patty Cake” and Judah holds Ezra’s hands, helping him to do the motions. It looks like laying on the floor under the play gym and shaking toy animals. For you, it may look like golfing together or making music together or cooking together. Knee {or neck} deep in the responsibilities and concerns of adulthood demand that we keep company with one another doing the things that make us feel alive.

Siblings laugh with each other. 

Ezra’s first laugh, his first real belly-laugh was while watching Judah jump on the couch. I have it on video - both boys almost unable to control their joy and amusement. It wasn’t planned or scripted. I didn’t set up the scenario. It was just because the boys love one another and spend time together that this happened. In the spirit of the previous quality, spend time with one another, do life together - laughter will come. 

Siblings cry with each other. 

Last night, I was driving home from Charlotte alone with both boys. It was late - well past all of our bedtimes. Twenty miles from home, the oldest wakes and begins to cry. He was sleepy, sitting upright and strapped snugly in his carseat - not the best conditions for peaceful slumber. His cries escalated until the baby woke up. At first, Ezra was fine - babble-talking to the brightly-colored bugs on his carseat. But as Judah continued to cry {and, yes, I continued to try to soothe}, Ezra also began to cry. Both of my boys are sympathetic criers and have been since birth. Life isn’t always easy, playful, full of laughter - it gets hard. It hurts. We have all experienced this - so it is imperative that we don’t retreat when we see others hurting. We sit beside the hurting and let them know that we also know pain, that it is ok to feel it, and that somehow we do endure and emerge from the rubble. 

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As their mother, watching these moments makes my heart swell with love, gratefulness, and pride {the healthy, good kind...not the braggy, arrogant kind}. The beautiful interaction between these brothers make me smile almost constantly. How much more so will our Heavenly Father feel these same things when we treat our fellow humans as siblings rather than strangers. 

In the words of Jesus in His “Sermon on the Mount”:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” 

Matthew 5:43-47

Father, Give us eyes to see the people around us as family. Give us opportunities to laugh, play, and, when it is needed, cry together. Let us see needs and have the gumption to give what is needed. In this season where our eyes are drawn toward beautiful decorations and twinkling lights, remind us to be the Lights of the World that You have called us to be in order that all may see You. Amen.